Developing quality relationships and understanding their power to influence
Why Develop a Relationship Building Strategy? #
To realize your life’s dreams and ambitions you will require the approval and support of other people in some or other form. These people are the strangers you meet, your clients, bosses, partners, family, and friends.
To achieve your life goals, you will need to develop a relationship building strategy to ensure that you gain the support of those around you.
“The manners, in which high performance people establish, build and maintain relationships are a key ingredient of success!” – Dr W. De Marco & Dr M. Maggin, Sales competency research report 1989
When you have a sound relationship building strategy, your ability to influence others will grow, your ideas will take first place and if you are in sales, you will experience an increase in your productivity.
We all want things from other people.
- We want other people’s goodwill and friendship
- We want acceptance and recognition
- Businesspeople want business
- Husbands and wives want love and affection
- Parents want obedience
- Children want security
- Salespeople want more sales
- Bosses want loyalty, production, and co-operation
- Employees want recognition and credit for the things they do
- People in general want freedom
We all want something, all the time.
By developing your relationship skills, you will enhance your overall effectiveness with everyone you meet, and you will experience your abilities to influence people occurring with an ever-increasing frequency.
The Fundamental Requirement #
You must be prepared to work. As with everything in life, you will always get out what you put in. Practice the information you learn. Never stop putting in the effort if you persist you will overcome any barriers.
Our observations over the years have shown us that, people who excel in any subject generally have developed a sincere and passionate desire to learning new techniques for self-improvement, in all the people observed that did not display this desire for personal development, we experienced that these people generally did have the willpower to practice the disciplines of personal development.
Ask yourself, “What benefits will I receive if I develop my relationship building skills?” Consider the benefits to yourself and to others, contemplate how those benefits will affect your life.
Sometimes it takes a while to realize all the benefits you will receive, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you do not discover many reasons in the beginning, the answers will come to you, if you persist in discovering them.
Realize that the more you focus on what the benefits will be, the more benefits you will come to know. The more benefits you discover, the greater your passions for improving will become and great passion makes tremendous results easy to achieve.
Every successful endeavour you will ever take, will only be successful because of the desire and passion you have, to accomplish the goals.
That is why it is vital to have a great understanding of the benefits you will receive when you remain disciplined in the practice of developing quality relationships.
It is only through discipline that we will find our personal freedoms – Alan Green
When you have a sound relationship building strategy to reflect on, you will immediately begin to experience more successes in your everyday interactions with people – Alan Green
Back To the Source #
Relationship building starts and ends with you.
It is most important that you first develop a sound relationship with yourself. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself then others won’t either and that’s a guarantee.
For you to develop a good relationship with you, you will be required to spend a lot of time doing serious introspection.
If you don’t go within you go without! – Neale Donald Walsch
Your ability to accept yourself, combined with the constant development of your self-image, will play a major part in your effectiveness to develop quality relationships.
In the battle between positive and negative thinking, negativity usually wins. That is why it takes conscious diligence and discipline to maintain a positive relationship with yourself. It isn’t easy, but the benefits are most certainly worth the effort.
Self-acceptance and self-image go hand in hand – Alan Green
By accepting yourself and forgiving yourself for your slight imperfections you can begin to develop a self-image that will serve you.
Our self-images are shaped by the ideas, attitudes, feelings, and other thoughts you have about yourself. Your self-image will affect the way you interact with others.
A poor or negative self-image will always result in poor and negative results. A positive and prosperous self-image will always result in prosperous and positive results.
Life is a mirror that reflects back at what you are – Mike Lipkin
Your self-image sets the limits of your accomplishments and defines what you can and cannot do. A positive self-image develops self-confidence when the image you create of yourself is constant. You become that which you think.
The image you project is the sum total of many non-verbal factors. These factors include the confidence you communicate with your voice and body language, the clothing you wear, your manners and your communication style.
Winners are especially aware of their self-image and the role their imagination can play in creating and upgrading their life. They know that self-image acts as a subconscious life governing device- that if in your self-image you can’t possibly see yourself doing something or achieving something, you literally cannot do it and never will! – Denis Waitley – The Psychology of Winning
Do not allow yourself to have any negative thoughts about the person that you are. Live every day with grand thoughts about yourself and your abilities to improve at everything you do.
Winners know that the self-image can be changed since the subconscious is incapable of differentiating between a real success and a success imagined again and again, vividly and in full detail – Denis Waitley – The Psychology of Winning
People who are self-confident generally have a positive self-image and they install a sense of confidence in others. When others are confident in you, they will be influenced by you.
First you create your self-image. Then your self-image creates you. – John Kehoe
Who are you? How do you wish to be remembered when you walk out of the rooms of your life?
The Power of Making Others Feel Important #
One of the greatest desires for every human being is the desire to feel important. This is achieved in many ways.
Are you big enough to let others shine brighter than you?
When you make others feel important, they will respond positively to your greetings, suggestions and offers.
You can make others feel important when you acknowledge and show appreciation for their thoughts, their ideals, their time and their efforts, by listening attentively to them, by being completely honest and byacknowledge their points of view.
By seeking and addressing the best of people’s accomplishments and the other positive aspects of their life you will give them a sense of importance. Of course, sincerity is important if any of this is to have any positive effect. When others feel that you are sincerely interested in them, they will feel important.
The feeling of importance can be given to another from the first second you meet them.
This is generally done with a broad smile, direct eye contact and friendly handshake and an acknowledgment of their time with the sweetest words.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less – C.S. Lewis
Humility is not subservience; it is merely placing the feelings of others ahead of your own. This is done so that you may open their hearts to you, because everybody likes a person who is great, but humble.
Remember to always be sincere with others, undue or dishonest flattery will result in others having a negative opinion of you. Always be honest and sincere.
Do you make others feel important or are you always trying to be the one who looks and sounds important?
If you attempt to make people, see your importance by trying to impress them, you may gain a few “wows”, but you will lose the larger benefit of a quality relationship.
In the game of developing quality relationships and influencing others it is never the one who is trying to impress who wins, it is the one who knows how to express and allow others to impress.
People’s inability to let go, means that when they get a feeling of importance from you, they will not want to lose that feeling and will therefore continue to try and impress you, even in the most subtle ways. This is influence.
If you do not give others a sense of importance, they will not take kindly to you, your suggestions, offers, ideas, ideals, and dreams. If you make them feel unimportant, they will reject you.
When people are left feeling unimportant, they respond in a variety of ways, none of which are comfortable to be around.
Would you feel important if others rejected you? Of course not, therefore do not reject or disrespect others, always seek the best in them and they will very often give it to you.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones – The Bible, Proverbs 16:24 (This verse emphasizes the nourishing and healing power of kind and gracious language, comparing it to the sweetness and restorative properties of honey. It suggests that the words we speak can have a significant, positive impact on the emotional and even physical well-being of others, and on ourselves)
Courtesy and Good Manners Matter #
The greatest relationship builders and the most seductive influencers all have one common characteristic: their customers, colleagues, friends and family all regard them as a “nice and wonderful person”. What is meant by those around us when they say that the champion relationship builder is a “nice and wonderful person”?
This course teaches us that “nice and wonderful people” generally display personality traits such as self-respect and a positive self-image, they show consideration and respect for others, and they possess courtesy and good manners. They have a sense of humour and are thoughtful of their actions, their surroundings and other people’s needs and desires.
Displaying courtesy and having good manners is your passport to friendship, respect, long term relationships and powerful influence. They are just as important in the business setting as in a social one.
Good manners give others the sense that you have integrity and in the arena of influencers, integrity is a major element of success.
Good manners are a major element in integrity! – Mortimer Levitt
When you are courteous and display the correct etiquette and you are polite in your dealings with others, when you follow every request with a “please”, and are grateful of and appreciate others, you will begin to discover the true warmth of every person you meet.
Only when people are warmed up to you, will you be able to influence them.
You discover this warmth in others because, in general, only trustworthy, civilised people display courtesy and people love to deal with civilised and trustworthy people.
Good manners will make others feel comfortable in your company. This behaviour requires that you place other people’s comfort ahead of your own; this gives the other person a sense of importance and belonging. When someone feels welcome and feels a sense of belonging, they will take a liking to you.
Your manners reflect the type of person you are. Do you like to be around other people that are rude? People who don’t look you in the eyes when they greet you? Who don’t think about what they are saying before they say it? That never say thank you? Who treat others with disrespect? Who are impolite and show no tendency for the required etiquette? Who gossip negatively about others? Of course not!
“Good manners are the art of making people feel comfortable. Whoever makes the fewest people uncomfortable has the best manners.” – Jonathan Swift
Ask yourself, “Do I thank people for their time? Do I thank my friends and family for all the little things that they do for me? Do I smile when I greet others? Do I look them in the eyes? (For the gentlemen out there) Do I open the door for ladies?”
As a great relationship builder, you must make good manners and courtesy a habit.
If you wish to be truly influential then have the good manners to use people’s names, greet them with a big smile, make regular eye contact, be friendly and warm, and be sincere and honest.
When you are attempting to persuade someone to your way of thinking, it is good manners to pause at odd intervals to check if they have any questions, and whether they understand what you are saying and if you are moving at a satisfactory pace for them.
Find out if the answers you have given to any questions asked of you are understandable and satisfactory, regardless of their personal status. This is good manners and courtesy in action and using them will boost your ability to influence others.
Avoid belittling other people; avoid criticising or passing judgement on others. Avoid sarcasm. Any form of communication that does not come from your heart and given with love and integrity will result in relationships that bring with them, feelings of discomfort and tension, this is negative and inhibits the power of influence.
Good manners have much to do with emotions. To make them ring true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them. – Amy Vanderbilt
On your journey, you will encounter people who are rude and uncaring of the feelings of those around them, including yours. They will attempt to belittle you; they will show distrust towards you.
Most people behave this way because their feeling of importance has not been satisfied or worse yet, they have been made to feel unimportant.
They will draw as much attention to themselves as they can to satisfy their need to feel important. Remember; all attack is a call for help, so do what you can by being courteous and understanding. Do not mirror their impoliteness. Make them feel important.
Be courteous, kind, and considerate. You never know who is watching – Mike Lipkin
Having good manners means that you will always carry yourself with dignity even in the most awkward and uncomfortable of circumstances, you will always hold your head high but never look down your nose at others in a manner that suggests that you are better than they are.
A person with good manners never wears their pride on their sleeve.
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed. – Erastus Wiman
The Art of Effective Listening #
We all hear things, but do we listen to what we hear?
Great relationship builders are superb listeners. They listen carefully to every question, to every answer, to every statement that is received from others. They assess the motivation behind all feedback that they receive from others and respond accordingly. They also never interrupt others while they are talking.
The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.- Richard Moss
Relationships are developed on the sound foundations of mutual understanding and respect. All too often people sever the opportunity to develop an influential and quality relationship with other people, because they simply did not take the time to truly understand the viewpoint of others.
This lack of understanding means that people are unable to respond to others in such a way that compliments the attitudes and desires of the people they are dealing with.
Every person I work with knows something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it. – Jack Nichols
We learn to understand people better when we practice the art of listening to them. Do not mistake listening for hearing. They are not the same and produce tremendously different results in your relationships.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood – Steven Covey
To develop your listening skills, you need to develop a sincere and passionate interest in other people. To listen effectively is to understand. When you understand, you can influence. Truly understanding others is one of the biggest factors in quality relationship building.
- Effective Listening is the process of completely understanding what the other person is saying from their point of view. It can be used in any communication situation.
- Effective Listening is the process of sending the message back to the person, what you as a listener think the person meant, both in terms of what they said (content) and in terms of the way they said it (feeling).
- Effective Listening involves stating in your own words what you think the other person meant once they have had their say. This technique helps to ensure complete understanding of their content.
- Effective Listening involves echoing the feelings you felt were expressed or implied. It is important that you check on the emotions behind the content so that you can understand how someone feels and be able to compliment or sooth the feeling with your ideas, suggestions, and solutions.
We can ask questions to ensure that our understanding of the other person’s thoughts and perceptions are correct and to secure additional relevant information. Questions help us clarify any misunderstandings, but you will only know what you don’t understand if you were listening effectively.
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought and attended to my answer. – Henry David Thoreau.
Effective Listening is not easy but is worth the effort to master. It does take practice. Becoming an Effective Listener will boost you into the relationship spaces that hold in them the biggest powers of influence. Like public speaking it requires a lot of attention and determination to become great at it.
Just remember the fundamental requirement to develop a quality relationship building strategy.
Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force…When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life…When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other…and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom. …Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way. – Brenda Ueland.
The Power of Intention #
Very few people understand the power of their intentions or lack thereof. Most times, people simply do not know what their intentions are.
To have intent means to have an aim or an objective, it’s something that you plan to accomplish; it’s the pursuit of a predetermined result. It’s the quality or state of having a purpose in mind. People that act with intent, act with purpose, and do everything that they do, on purpose.
To understand intent, one is required to have an in depth understanding of their purpose. It is surprising how many people out there have never taken the time to figure out their life’s true ambitions.
When you have a grand purpose at heart and remain consistent and true to it, you become a magnet that attracts everything and everyone that you need to help you realise your grander ambitions.
The secret of success is constancy to purpose – Benjamin Disraeli
Can we lose sight of our purpose? Of course! It happens all the time and far too often. We get caught up in the illusions of the “real world”, our financial burdens or promises of greater financial opportunities, demanding partners, our bosses, television, the abuse of alcohol and drugs and many other things take us off our path, to the realisation of our life’s purposes. Many people end up chasing money and not the realisation of their purposes, this is one of the greatest illusions.
When your intentions are crystal clear, when they become completely understood by you, you empower yourself to direct every breath, thought, word and action to achieving your goals. Intention creates energy, in the moment, when it is consistent; it builds an incredible energy momentum. This energy becomes unstoppable and the results you seek, become inevitable.
Intentions can be a small as wanting to put a smile on somebody’s face, or it can be to have a great day. They can be as big as saving the earth’s rain forests or eliminating world hunger, there are no limits to one’s intentions.
Use your power of intention before you commit to any action. Ask yourself, “what is my intention?”, or “what am I hoping to achieve by doing this?” When you have the answer, you will find the tasks at hand very easy to complete and your accomplishments will multiply, this law applies to every relationship where influence is required. The purer your intentions, the more harmonious your results will be.
Only the consciousness of a purpose that is mightier than any man, and worthy of all men, can fortify and inspirit and compose the souls of men. – Walter Lippmann
There is a saying that goes, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. This is normally true when your intentions for relationships are not expressed upfront. Friends and family commit to certain actions that they believe are in your best interests, they mean well, they have good intentions, but many times they do not realise the difficulties or “hell” that can be caused in your life because of their actions.
This course teaches us to share your intentions with those around you. By getting feedback, before you act, you will be able to avoid “paving” their “road to hell”. The reason we don’t state our intentions, is because we don’t know how to tell someone what our intentions are, or worse yet, we don’t know what they are.
We can solve this by intending to always be completely open and honest with people. We can let people know, that we choose to express our intentions. Intentions expressed to those concerned, lead us to harmonious and understanding relationships because we have the feedback that lets us know what the effect of our intentions will be. It opens the avenues of trust for us. Being trustworthy is a critical component in the art of influence.
What did you intend to get out of this course when you started? What are your intentions today? What differences do you intend to make in your life? What do you intend to accomplish by working here? Are you behaving true to your intentions? What are you intending for your family, your partners, friendships? Do you have intentions or are you living in the darkness?
When you are not true to your purpose, you will experience tremendous difficulties in your life. You will face constant obstacles; goals will always seem to elude you. You will experience the desire to give up, simply because you did not understand your original intentions. Don’t let this happen to you. Figure out what your intentions are and realise your purpose, then remain true to them and you will experience success like never before.
Confidence and Assertiveness #
Consider for a moment the most influential people you know. Have you noticed how they radiate with confidence? How they seem sure of themselves, of their actions and of their words?
What is it about confident people that attract us to them the way they do? What does it mean to be confident? Why are confident people so assertive when they talk to you? What does it mean to be assertive?
Being assertive means acting confidently. Assertive people are confident in stating a position or claim. Assertive people are strong and pronounced; they are ever present and noticeable; they are not afraid to say what they want or believe. They are prepared to ask the tough questions. They are influential.
The Encarta English dictionary says that assertiveness is bold confidence; it’s a willingness to be forceful if a situation requires it. In other words, assertiveness is the inclination to be completely self-assured.
If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started. – Marcus Garvey
The Encarta dictionary also states that confidence is the belief in your own abilities and knowledge; it’s to have self-assurance or a belief in your ability to succeed. It also means to have faith in somebody, or something, to do right; it is belief or trust in somebody or something, or in the ability of somebody or something to act in a proper, trustworthy, or reliable manner.
True confidence comes from complete belief in what you are doing and saying. The power of intention and purpose led actions, combined with truth and clarity will allow you to confidently express everything you say and do, from the heart. When you speak from your heart you open the hearts of others. You influence them.
The human heart, at whatever age, opens only to the heart that opens in return. – Maria Edgeworth
Confidence and assertiveness do not mean being pushy or aggressive. Pushy or aggressive people are never received well by others. They may be able to influence us in the short term and generally this influence will be negative. Over time we will find ways of distancing ourselves from them and therefore their ability to have influence over us, many times this distancing effect is a lot more instant.
Those who lack confidence are generally ignorant people. They simply do not take the time to find out what it is they need to know to accomplish their goals, this includes knowledge of what they are talking about and the feelings and viewpoints of those that are talking to.
Information leads us away from ignorance and closer to knowingness. Knowledge is power, believe it, live it. The practice of new and old knowledge leads to ability and skill. Having ability and skill gives confidence to those who have it and confident people are positively assertive. They have influence over the world around them.
People, who lack confidence, lack the desire to learn and grow. They don’t realise that we can all learn what we need to, and create new skills by consciously practicing new knowledge, it doesn’t matter if its bungee jumping, or giving a presentation to 10 000 people or, sending mankind to Mars or, feeding the worlds hungry.
We are living in the 21st century, we have access to any information we could possibly desire, so to be ignorant of the things that you are involved in, is a sign of a weak and fragile, uninterested mind, it’s a terrible waste of your human experience. It’s the ultimate human tragedy.
The living man who does not learn, is dark, dark, like one walking in the night – Ming Lum Paou Keen
Ignorant people, who are placed in positions that require the art of influence, will generally become desperate at some point. They become aggressive when placed in situations where confidence and assertiveness are required, simply because they did not take the time to learn and grow.
People who lack confidence are unable to influence others because they know deep inside themselves, that they are not ahead of the curve regarding the knowledge they need to know. If you do not know enough about something, then you cannot truly be confident in expressing your opinions and suggestions about those specific subjects.
We are all ignorant of the things we know nothing about, but we can become less ignorant of the things we are exposed to everyday. Salespeople can read sales books and do in depth studies on their sales techniques, products, and the different ways their products can benefit their clients, managers can read books on management, poor lovers can study karma sutra, and bad husbands can get help from marriage counsellors or books. There is always something more to learn. The more you learn and develop the greater your confidence and assertiveness will grow.
If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people – Thomas Jefferson
There is no valid excuse for being ignorant in today’s world. Ignorance is not bliss; it is a sin. Being ignorant will cost you confidence and therefore you lose your power to influence others.
It is possible to become overconfident. It is even possible to become arrogant. But these negative traits will only occur if you have little regard for the art of building quality relationships. Also, it is better to be overconfident and fail, than to never try because you did not know how.
Remember that knowledge is power, and power creates confidence. Confident people are assertive and assertive people are able to influence others. Confidence is the foundation of strong relationships. It is the cornerstone of influence.
Prime Motivators #
Everything you have ever done or will ever do in the future will be either for the pursuit of pleasure or for the avoidance of pain or both. We are all motivated by greed or fear.
Every human being experiences these primary motivators, when you use these motivators effectively you will experience an incredible surge in your ability to influence others. Influential people understand and use primary motivators to compliment or alter other people’s perceptions and actions.
Men are moved by only two things: fear and self-interest – Napoleon Bonaparte
We learned in the sections above, that everybody wants something all the time. By gathering information and truly listening to others, we can identify what it is that people want.
We use the primary motivators to cement the decision-making process in the people we are influencing. There are many motivating triggers we can use to motivate people to action. Use the triggers to get others to see how, your offerings, ideas and suggestions can satisfy any of the perceived needs and desires they will have.
So, let’s review some of these triggers.
- People want to feel proud of their accomplishments
- They want to love and be loved
- They desire security for themselves, for their family and their belongings.
- They want to have more flexibility regarding their choices; they love variety even when they are seeking something specific.
- The want convenience,
- They seek guarantees from products and people,
- They desire quality, and quantity.
- We all desire consistency, reliability in others and the things we buy.
- We want to feel good about our decisions; we want a sense of status.
- We want to be successful and be acknowledged as bosses, employees, fathers, mothers, children, friends or whatever it is that we aspire to be.
- Parents want more quality time with their family.
- Nobody likes to fail. People are easily motivated to action when the idea of failure is perceived as a threat to our good image with our loved ones and peers. People’s perceptions of failures differ, so it is important to clarify that your suggestions will assist others in avoiding failure.
When you show people how they can get more of what they do want and experience less of what they don’t want if they follow your suggestions, you will experience many more people being led to your way of thinking.
Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it – Dwight. D. Eisenhower
To influence others is to change their paradigms and habits. The instant others can sense that the change you are asking them to make will bring them closer to their desired pleasures and further away from their pains, they will accept your offerings faster than you can blink your eyes.
We change because the desire of the new idea is more appealing to us than the old one. “I want the new me in preference to the person that I am now!” It is worth the change. – Alan Green
Prime motivators tap into the centres of our emotions. To use prime motivators to influence effectively, you must talk to others with a deep sense of purpose and passion. We discussed these concepts in previous sections. It is only with purpose and passion that you can arouse in the other person a deep sincere interest and desire.
Remaining dispassionate will only result at best, an idea of “it would be nice” instead of the idea that “we must have it” in the minds of those you wish to influence. Prime motivators motivate action. The more concentrated and focused you are on the triggers, the more instant the actions of others will become.
I want my boys to have an understanding of people’s emotions, their insecurities, people’s distress, and their hopes and dreams. – Princess Diana of Wales
The Power of Integrity #
Integrity means to be in possession of firm principles. It’s the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards. People who have integrity are incorruptible.
People who have integrity are the favourites to win the race of quality relationship building. Your levels of integrity define your character and your ability to influence relationships at the highest levels.
Integrity: A name is the blueprint of the thing we call character. You ask, “What’s in a name?” I answer, “Just about everything you do” – Morris Mandel
People who have integrity develop the kind of relationships in which others always have complete faith in them to always to the right thing, regardless of the situation at hand. They display their character openly and with complete honesty, they refuse to lie, steal, or deceive in any way.
People with integrity live with honour, they have a strong character, and they display an adherence to ethical principles and always maintain the goodness of their name and reputation. They show a personal dignity that is instantly recognisable, and this sometimes leads to tremendous recognition and glory, even though such results are never their aim.
People with high levels of integrity give “peace of mind” to everyone that knows and deals with them and when they have suggestions to make to others, they are listened to and trusted. They harvest deeper and more permanent levels of influence than a person without integrity.
People who lack integrity are avoided by almost everyone they come to know. At some point in every relationship, those who lack integrity become exposed. This creates relationships that are weak by nature and carry no powers of influence. People who lack integrity lack the ability to foster quality relationships.
The glue that bonds all relationships together is trust, and trust is based on integrity – Alan Green
Having integrity means that you will always do what you say you will, you will speak the truth of your thoughts in a way that shall never belittle others. It is the think, speak, do principle. Learning to “crystallise your thinking” will assist you in this regard.
How many people do you know that have told you their ambitions and goals yet months and even years down the “timeline” have done nothing substantial to achieve those dreams and ambitions?
How can such people ever be trusted by others? Do you enjoy working with someone who says that they will call you back, and then fail to do so? Do you find that when someone has promised to return an item that belongs to you for the third, fourth or even fifth time, that you stop believing what they have to say?
Reputation is what men and woman think of us. Character is what God, and the Angels know of us – Thomas Paine
The moment you do not remain true to your words, you destroy the fabric that develops quality relationships. The one thing that no one can afford to lose in the relationship building game is their reputation. To develop a trustworthy and quality reputation takes time, it is a process of remaining consistent and steadfast in your integrity.
Being on time because you said you would be there on time is displaying integrity, being able to deliver exactly what you said you would deliver is displaying integrity. Not speaking about the things about which you have no knowledge about is displaying integrity. Your words become your bond.
People who live true to their words become dependable; they become the pillars upon which the foundations of quality relationships can be built. Dependable people are always given the room to influence those around them. Their reputation allows them to.
A person is never judged by their words but by their actions. Words are cheap, but actions speak volumes. Your character will be reflected in the reputation you have amongst those that know you.
In the art of developing quality relationships, it is our reputations that determine our abilities to influence our bosses, or colleagues, or clients, and our family and friends
The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity – Zig Ziglar
Commit yourself to developing the reputation of a person who always lives with integrity. In the course of your life, you will be discussed by many people away from your company. What would you like these discussions to consist of, your lack of integrity or your virtues thereof?
Living Win-Win #
Living win-win relationships assumes that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of a win-lose relationship.
Living win-win is a principal of interpersonal leadership. In any situation look at the interests of the person you are dealing with. Make it a necessary goal that both you and the other person will benefit. If this is not your goal, then you are displaying a character that is not committed to the win-win philosophy.
To live the win-win philosophy you will need to develop your personal character. You will require a sense of integrity, of maturity and an abundance mentality.
Living win-win requires the courage to view a positive outcome of a working relationship even when, at first meeting, this outcome might not seem possible. It means having a respect for the humanity of others. Living win-win means that every relationship is either win-win or no deal.
Rather than denying problems, focus inventively and intentionally on what solutions might look or feel like. Our mind is meant to generate ideas that help us escape circumstantial traps if we trust it to do so. Naturally, not all hunches are useful. But then you only need one good idea to solve a problem – Marsha Sinetar
The win-win process has four steps.
- Identify a need or problem from the other person’s point of view. This is done by using the effective listening techniques we discovered in lecture two of this course.
- Identify the effects involved from the viewpoint of the people you are dealing with. It assists us in using the prime motivators.
- Determine what realistic results would make a fully acceptable solution to the people concerned. These are the goals that will satisfy the other person.
- Identify new options to achieve those results through the offer or suggestions you are making to them. These are the action steps that will assist others in solving problems or satisfying needs.
I know of people who have destroyed the possibility of quality relationships, because they did not follow the win-win steps. They were and mostly still are, concerned only with themselves and their benefits.
There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first… when you learn to live for others, they will live for you – Paramahansa Yogananda
Approach all relationships with a win-win philosophy and you shall inherit the joys of abundance. You experience this abundance because you have sought ways of providing abundance to others.
Only when you help others do you truly help yourself – Alan Green
Final Thoughts #
What have we learned?
- Back to the source, we are required to first accept ourselves so that we can create a positive self-image and that a positive self-image is critical to developing quality relationships.
- Make others feel important, they love it.
- Display courtesy and good manners, it is a sure way of making others feel important.
- The art of effective listening will open the avenues of understanding of others and that understanding was another key ingredient in quality relationships.
- The power of intentions has taught us about the importance of knowing our purpose before committing to any actions and how this creates a sense of trust between you and the other person.
- Confidence and Assertiveness give us the ability to influence others, and that confidence is developed through knowledge.
- Primary motivators cement decisions and appeal to emotions that open the channels for powerful influence
- Integrity will carry us to the highest levels of interpersonal relations and develop our reputations. A great reputation makes it easy to influence others.
- Win-Win attitudes ensure that we will never go hungry, we will never be lonely, and we will be able to develop truly magical relationships with others and influence others for the betterment of everyone concerned.
When we combine all of these qualities, we experience the most fantastic relationships and the most powerful levels of influence.
We learn by doing – Alan Green
There is an abundance of information available to us. We can develop ourselves in the arena of human relationships. There are a multitude of books and other learning resources that deal with different aspects of the human psyche and interpersonal relationships. I advise everyone reading this to study as many of these resources as you can.
The more we study and learn the more we can grow. The more we can grow the more of our lives we are able to influence. The deeper we study and almost more importantly, practice the art of influence, the more we improve our abilities to get
from life all those things that we desire. After all, wasn’t that the reason we started this journey?
The intention of this course is to re-expose you to some of the secrets of developing quality relationships and providing insight into understanding their powers of influence over others, I sincerely pray that the course will serve its intentions to you.
Information needs to be internalised before it can be of any practical value – Kenneth Meadows
The information in this course must be taken to heart and practiced if it is to have any value to you. To have been exposed to these relationship truths and not live them every day, you commit the ultimate betrayal, the betrayal of yourself.
The greatest relationships that you ever could experience can be realised by mastering the principles in this course. I know that by living the concepts contained in this course that you shall be blessed with a life filled with abundance and harmony.
I thank you for allowing me the privilege to share this information with you. May it serve you well.
Kindest regards,
Alan